I wanted to share the following recently received email with you:
Today’s post really resonated with me. After being married for over 30 years, and having experienced a fabulous marriage, my husband stepped away from the marriage with another woman. Although I pleaded for reconciliation and therapy, he put so little effort into it that I had to let him go. For six months I was in a horrible funk, but my art began to flourish. I am a writer and also a painter (oil on linen canvas); my art was my salvation.
It has been three years since our divorce, after having been separated for three years prior, and looking back, I began to realize that he was holding back my creativity, and my creativity was holding back my marriage. He is a straight shooting attorney, very conservative in that he could not understand my creative needs and, in fact, made me feel guilty for the time I sat in front of my computer or stood in front of my easel. He was a loving father and a good husband, but he was not supportive of my need to explore or produce creatively.
Your writer in today’s excerpt has, in my opinion, the best of both worlds: a lover and a companion who understands her need for independence because he, too, needs the distance for his own creative endeavors. I envy her relationship, as I would love to find another creative who stimulates me intellectually but does not want to marry. So far, the closest thing I have to that is another creative whose intellect is off the charts, and he is gay. As I grow closer to retirement, I do wish for a more meaningful relationship with a man who understands my need to work alone and, more importantly, has his own creative pursuits.
It’s nice to know that I am not alone feeling the way I do about needing my space, yet longing for a companion who feels the same way I do. I cannot allow my work to be smothered. Even if that means remaining single for the rest of my life, I can accept that.
I look forward to your thoughts on artists’ intimate relationships. If you’d like to share, drop me an email at email@example.com
I can fully understand this Claire, it seems difficult for others close to you to understand creativity. When relationships are under stress I find myself closing down creativity, it seems to just be in “thinking mode” and not doing. I had a very barren time over the last couple of years but now I am alone I am slowly getting my artistic mojo back.
I am torn also. I enjoy my aloneness too, to be who I really am but miss loving someone and being loved. I agree that someone like-minded would complement our lifestyle. I’ve been single for almost 10 years and dated very little but I’m ok with that. I don’t watch TV and would rather do or create. My focus is on that and not what is around me so it would have to be a like-minded person.
I don’t know. You sound like you want a lot. However, there might be a man out there who is looking for just someone like you. I had the opposite thing happen to me. In my marriage I felt very free after my children were grown and I thrived creatively. I did so much work (graphite pencils) and it was the best work I had done after getting married. I wrote nine books and went back to college and got a BA in art Design. I even went for my MA, then the bottom fell out of my world. After 35 years of marriage my husband left me. My art suffered because I became homeless (I lived in other peoples- my kids- houses) and was very depressed. He has been gone for 9 years and this year is the first time I have been able to be a little more creative. I have even moved into color pencils. I drift into depression every now and then but I am better. So, I am not sure that being married or not being married has to do with a persons creativity. I think it is all about how you feel about yourself inside. However, Claire because you are doing so well alone try very hard to keep that same frame of mind no matter who you get with.