“I had a very touchy issue with my daughter and I wanted to talk to her about it but I couldn’t get started. Then I came across Maisel’s book and read it all the way through in just a few minutes and felt changed. I understood what I would say, how I would say it, and even what I would reply depending on what my daughter said. Amazing! The best few minutes I ever spent. Every parent should own this little book and give it as a gift to their parent friends!” – J. L., Santa Barbara, California
Excerpted from 20 Communication Tips for Families:
First Rule of Love is to Listen
Loving listening goes far beyond accurately hearing another person’s words, although that’s the starting point. Because people feel vulnerable, they often say things in guarded or indirect ways. Or they say so many things in a single sentence that it’s hard to identify the main point. Or they don’t know what they have in mind — they say that their room is too hot, but they’re really worried about failing algebra. It often takes a concerted effort to identify a person’s real message. Loving listening is an important skill, and it takes time and practice to master.
Here is how to master loving listening:
1. Pay undivided attention when someone is speaking to you.
2. Be more interested in what is being said than in figuring out how to reply or fix the problem.
3. Wonder to yourself what is really going on. Use your powers of intuition and your lifetime of experience to understand what your child, mate, or sibling is getting at. Plus, you can ask questions!
4. Take the time to listen, to consider what’s being said, to gain clarity, and to frame direct but loving responses. Communication takes time — and deserves the time it takes.
You will be amazed by how much more love there is in your family if you and other family members just listen.