“I had a very touchy issue with my daugh­ter and I wanted to talk to her about it but I couldn’t get started. Then I came across Maisel’s book and read it all the way through in just a few min­utes and felt changed. I under­stood what I would say, how I would say it, and even what I would reply depend­ing on what my daugh­ter said. Amaz­ing! The best few min­utes I ever spent. Every par­ent should own this lit­tle book and give it as a gift to their par­ent friends!” – J. L., Santa Bar­bara, California

Excerpted from 20 Com­mu­ni­ca­tion Tips for Fam­i­lies:

Excerpt:

First Rule of Love is to Listen

Lov­ing lis­ten­ing goes far beyond accu­rately hear­ing another person’s words, although that’s the start­ing point. Because peo­ple feel vul­ner­a­ble, they often say things in guarded or indi­rect ways. Or they say so many things in a sin­gle sen­tence that it’s hard to iden­tify the main point. Or they don’t know what they have in mind — they say that their room is too hot, but they’re really wor­ried about fail­ing alge­bra. It often takes a con­certed effort to iden­tify a person’s real mes­sage. Lov­ing lis­ten­ing is an impor­tant skill, and it takes time and prac­tice to master.

Here is how to mas­ter lov­ing listening:

1. Pay undi­vided atten­tion when some­one is speak­ing to you.

2. Be more inter­ested in what is being said than in fig­ur­ing out how to reply or fix the problem.

3. Won­der to your­self what is really going on. Use your pow­ers of intu­ition and your life­time of expe­ri­ence to under­stand what your child, mate, or sib­ling is get­ting at. Plus, you can ask questions!

4. Take the time to lis­ten, to con­sider what’s being said, to gain clar­ity, and to frame direct but lov­ing responses. Com­mu­ni­ca­tion takes time — and deserves the time it takes.

You will be amazed by how much more love there is in your fam­ily if you and other fam­ily mem­bers just listen.

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